From Maturity, and Some to Natural Death
Men tend to hurt silently. As they step back from the situation and have a chance to re-evaluate, or mature further, the hurt becomes more apparent.
The below article shows Pro-life organizations are more and more becoming aware of this, and that care must be given to these men. The dynamics between men and women is such that if men suffer, women suffer indirectly as well, and vice versa.
The Below Sites Offer Help
Rachel's Vineyard Retreats
Men's Page - www.rachelsvineyard.org/men
The Fatherhood Forever Foundation, founded by Jason Baier, co-author of "Redeeming a Father's Heart."www.fatherhoodforever.org/ Read stories, from the Silent No More Web site, which are typical at: www.silentnomoreawareness.org/testimonies/men
Find national and statewide organizations of all faiths and an abundance of resources including professional help, books, DVD's, CD's, and recommended books, DVD's and CD's -- all .for men -- at:
Rocker Steven Tyler of Aerosmith
Haunted by Girl Friend's Abortion
An article by LifeNews
Before he became a star, Steven was invvolved in the abortion of his girlfriend who he was living with. He suffered greatly afterward and still recalls the event with sadness.....Those who support abortion rights assure us that post-abortion complications are a myth. But Steven Tyler cuts through this fog of denial and lays it on the line: Jesus, what have I done?
read the full article.
Here are two more stories from the Silent No More Awareness Organization that say allot. The other stories there are just as insightful and worth a read through.
For My Emmanuelle
My name is Eric Watson. I am a Christian, a husband, a father, and I work as a hairdresser in New York City. And I am torn apart by the fact that I did not stop the abortion of my precious daughter. Although I am covered by the blood of Jesus who died for my sins past, present, and future, I feel that there is still a price I must pay, a consequence, a sentence for my choice. Here is my story.
In December 2002 I began telling everyone, co-workers, clients and friends, how important two days were in my future. The first was January 23, the date my then three-years-old daughter would premier as a Gap model. It was going to be an exciting day to see her bigger than life in store windows all over Manhattan. The other was May 7, 2003, my daughter Emmanuelle’s due date. But before either of those dates arrived, my wife and I went for a sonogram and learned that Emmanuelle had a rare brain anomaly, which would cause seizures and clenched fists. The doctor was very upset that he had to give us the news that our daughter was not perfect. He said "we’ll talk about options tomorrow morning," but we never talked about options.
Instead, on January 15th, my wife and I let the doctors kill Emmanuelle. I sat nearby quietly praying while the doctor inserted a huge needle into my wife’s belly as she lay sedated, and injected a salt solution straight into the heart of my precious daughter killing her instantly. Afterward I thought, how can I ask God to bless me after what I have done? "The prayers of a righteous man availeth much" (James 5:16) therefore, the prayers of an unrighteous man availeth nothing.
When my wife went to the doctor for her post abortion check up, she learned that the doctor had taken a picture of Emmanuelle after she was aborted. I suppose it is a picture of her lying dead on the table shortly after the delivery. I’ve never looked at the picture. I still cannot believe that my wife brought home that picture home.
I don’t know if my marriage can ever be restored. I look at my wife and am reminded of the sin we committed. Though I love my two beautiful children, I am constantly reminded that one is missing. How will I tell my children about their sister in heaven? Will I ever be free of the guilt and shame? I look forward to the day when I can ever so humbly ask her for forgiveness.
January 23, 2005, I traveled to Washington, D.C. to participate in the March for Life. While there, I met men and women who also had abortion experiences, some more than twenty years ago. Their abortions hurt them and changed their lives just as mine did me. We all aborted for convenience only to find out we would never have convenience again.
There are constant reminders of what I have done, and I find myself wondering if I will ever get back on the path where, at the end, I will be met by God saying, "Well done good and faithful servant." For now, I am committed to speaking out in the hope of waking up the medical community and to reaching out to other victims of abortion, particularly the husbands and fathers. Maybe by helping them I can help myself.
It has taken me a long time to write this letter, but I think it is time. If you were here you would be 33. Of course you are not. The reason you are not is why this letter is necessary. You see your mother and I decided many years ago when we very young and very scared, that sacrificing your life would somehow make our lives better. We had a lot of support in this notion. Many people we talked to agreed that having a child while we were both in school would be a terrible inconvenience and would really screw up our futures. I am not shifting blame to others just letting you know that what we did we did only after giving it much thought. As a matter of fact we gave it considerable thought. Our original decision was to get married, bring you into this world and become a family. We even got to the point of putting a deposit on married housing and deciding on names, Michael for a boy and Elizabeth for a girl. I guess I just have always known you were a daughter. But in the end we made a very different decision. Did it make our lives better, probably not and it obviously stole from you your chance to have one. You see I don’t really think your mother ever got over the fact that she decided you were disposable. I know I never did. Eventually we ended up getting a divorce anyway and at least the last few years of our marriage weren’t really that good. Would your presence have changed that? I would like to think that it would have. I know that is an awful heavy burden to place on a tiny soul that never had a chance at life, but I think having a child to love and bond with might have made us a family. Something we never were. Career, money and friends can only take you so far in a marriage, being a family and having kids and responsibilities are what really force you to make it work. Having you around would have also given us both something other than ourselves to be concerned about. You see I don’t think you can destroy that which is created in love and expect the love that created it to survive.
I have often asked myself would I have been a good father. I don’t know, because I never had a chance to find out. You see after we decided you were an inconvenience your mother could never bring herself to try again. I look around at men I know who are father and have come to the conclusion that sometimes you grow into the job. I would like to think I would have done just that. From my upbringing I think I knew pretty much what didn’t work and hopefully I could have avoided the mistakes my father made with me. I think your mother would have done all right too. She would have been strict, but loving. You would have been expected to succeed, but that is not a bad thing. Through inheritance alone you would have been born with all the tools necessary to be a success. I know you would have been a good looking young woman, smart and caring. Hopefully you would have inherited my love of sports and your mothers love of poetry. We both liked the outdoors and understood the value of a good education and being a life-long learner. All of this would have stood you in good stead for your journey through life. You would have had two sets of loving grandparents and a solid extended family of uncles, aunts and cousins, and hopefully a sibling or two.
By now I would expect you would be married and settled into a career and family of your own. I have no idea what you would be doing with yourself, but I am sure you would be good at it. I know you would have been a daughter who made your mother and me proud.
I guess the saddest thing about all of this is that it is just speculation. It is the desires of an old man who is looking back on a decision he made when he was very young and realizes how wrong he was. The real reason for this letter though is not to speculate on what might have been but to apologize for what is. I can never change what was done in April of 1971, I can only ask for your forgiveness for having done it. No one has the right to take away another person right at a chance for life. Is this a pro-choice issue? Yes, but only to the point where you decide to create life. After that it must become a pro-life issue. That is where your mother and I were wrong. We made the choice to chance creating a new life and then when we did we made the horrible choice to deny that baby its right to life. That baby was you. We stole your birthright and for that I am truly sorry and ask your forgiveness.
Your Dad, Ric W.
For your Information:
Abortion's 3rd Victim: Dad
U.S. Conference Focuses on "Reclaiming Fatherhood"
SAN FRANCISCO, California, NOV. 29, 2007 - Men also suffer from abortions because they grieve the loss of their fatherhood, said the founder of Project Rachel.
by Carrie Gress
Project Rachel, along with the Archdiocese of San Francisco, and the National Office of Post-Abortion Reconciliation and Healing (NOPARH), sponsored the first U.S. conference to focus on the effects of abortion on men. The event concluded today at St. Mary's Cathedral in San Francisco.
Vickie Thorn, the executive director of NOPARH and founder of Project Rachel for post-abortive women, told ZENIT on a trip to Rome that grieving men can't be forgotten, "After all, it takes two parents."
"The model to help men with post-abortion healing has to be different than for women," Thorn explained. "Men have a different way of dealing with these issues. While with women, the emphasis is on talking and crying, men have different ways to deal with their grief.
"A man's grief often is for the lost fatherhood. There is grief for the child, but many times it focuses more on the loss within himself, that he didn't make the transition into fatherhood."
Beginning a ministry
The two-day conference, “Reclaiming Fatherhood”, including therapists, from a variety of backgrounds and countries, speaking about men's healing process after abortion; abortion's effects on men's spirituality; fatherhood and abortion; and why men who have been involved in abortion come for help.
Speakers included Tom Golden, author of "Swallowed by a Snake: The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing"; Warren Williams, author of "Fatherhood Lost," "Missing Arrows" and "Fatherhood Aborted"; and Capuchin Father Martin Pable, author of "The Quest for the Male Soul."
Supreme Knight Carl Anderson, of the Knights of Columbus, said: "As an organization of laymen that has a strong history and commitment to life, we think it is very important to highlight the issues faced by those fathers whose children are aborted.
"There are three victims of every abortion, the child and both of his or her parents, and it is our hope that this conference will be the beginning of a ministry within the Church to these fathers, who grieve the death of their unborn child in isolation and silence."
Anderson and Thorn believe the "Reclaiming Fatherhood" conference will help men deal with the psychological trauma of post-abortion reality the way Project Rachel has helped women who have undergone abortions deal with their emotional and spiritual scars.
At the Fatherhood Forever Site, fatherhoodforever.org/awareness
they write that “for every woman affected by abortion, there is also a man”….”Men become angry, bitter, depressed, resentful, untrusting and even reckless in their behaviors”.
In studies, it has been discovered that after men begin to realize what they did, they become disappointed with themselves and distrustful of women, and sometimes authorities -- even though they may have pressured the birth mother to have the abortion. The men say this usually happens after marriage and they witness the birth and development of their first child. They see the newly born child grow, learn to talk, play, walk, and they naturally feel a fatherly protectiveness toward this child. It is then that they become fully cognizant of the horror of the deed they participated in -- the abortion – the murder of a baby -- their baby -- rather than fathering.
At this stage, the man feels a great hurt, and in some cases, if help is not sought, this can go on for many years. Symptoms can take many forms such as lack of energy, excessive drinking or lethargy, antagonism toward figures of authority (who let him down), the compulsive need to control, guilt, and many more. The resources above will be helpful.
In a Gospel of Life Society meeting, after hearing Clarissa Cincotta talk, who heads up the Bridgeport Chapter of Rachel's Vineyard, in Connecticut, a new member confided to the 32 people that he had been involved in an abortion when he was 24. He is now 70, and said he has been feeling guilty ever since. He thoroughly agreed that men hurt differently and silently, and that they would tend to withdraw and stop sharing emotionally.
This chronic hurt damages them, as they lead their lives, and it damages their families -- including their new children. Many of the case studies you read will show this. It is so sad that some of these marriages either come close to divorce, result in it, or other aberrant problems.
At the Fatherhood Forever Site,
they also point out ...“Our culture has an expectation that men should be strong….any show of emotion could expose them as being weak….yet, deep inside they’re hurting, causing their relationships, families, jobs and responsibilities to suffer”.
Another interesting phenomena is that our culture, from Biblical times, has another expectation -- regarding women -- that women should also behave strongly (as helpers of men), even stronger than the men or adults around them, and able to make the right decisions -- much as Moses' mother who put her baby afloat in a basket rather than let her baby be killed or Mary who "yes" to becoming the mother of Jesus -- knowing that her pregnancy would compromise her with her husband, family and socially and might even put her life at risk, or the Woman at the Well, who recognized Jesus as Messiah and went to tell everyone even though they may think she was crazy. There are many more stories of strong women in the Bible and some Bible Study programs center on it. The Bible shows that when a women does behave with commitment and conviction, because she "k-n-o-w-s" she is right and it is equally clear she is right, people, including men, tend to give her greater respect. We have all seen this. Yet, on the flip side, women are not prepared by their parents, universities, and environment to live up to cultural expectations.
The Bible Offers the Right View
God, is the only one who really knows us, can tell us what we are capable of, the distances we can go, and gives examples of what can be accomplished with His help -- the only one who gives proper training.
The Bible is also there for men. It offers many instances where a prophet did not listen to God and followed other gods, his own greed lust, temptations, or who was compromised by the circumstances of life to act in a sinful way. Such was the case with Abraham (who asked his wife to pose as his sister to avoid being killed by the Pharaoh and stepped aside as the Pharaoh took his wife as his own wife). David is another. He committed adultery with Bathsheba and had her husband killed. Others include St. Paul, the persecutor, and tax collector who later became a faithful follower of Jesus. When they demonstrated a faith in God and repented, God not only forgave, but generally gave them additional responsibilities that built them up.
Following these examples, our society is now catching on that they must do likewise --
Reach out to men who have been involved in abortions (as they have been doing with women) to help them rediscover their faith in God, repent constructively, receive forgiveness, heal, feel right within themselves again, repair their relationships, and rebuild their lives.
Help women to cultivate a new life, without guilt and remorse, but one with a stronger sense of self, independent thought, courage,confidence, hope and God.
For the Aborted Babies
Our hope for the aborted babies and our world is that God ultimately wants us all to be saved. He has faith in us though we continue to be sinners. He saves each of us differently, and that includes the aborted babies. We are commanded to entrust each other (our deceased loved ones and aborted children) to God. If we do this and regularly pray for them (as they can longer pray for themselves) we will continue to help and love them, wherever they are.
Hope for the World
If you are Catholic, Christian, or a religious person of any faith, you may want to read about the new Encyclical written by Pope Benedict XVI to refresh the hope in each one of us and all people this Christmas Season.
© KAROL-Davide Publications 2007. All Rights Reserved