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TEST YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

         To determine if your special relationship with your boyfriend,
         male friend or  fiance, if it will be a happy one, or what the
         probabilities are that it will last a lifetime, answer the below
         questions. 

 

Your ability to answer the questions, or inability, and the answers you give will indicate to you the quality of your relationship. 

Testing A Close Relationship

(For Females of All Ages & Backgrounds)

This test was designed to give you an impression of the depth of a relationship with a boyfriend or male friend (or even spouse), but can easily be applied to any "close" relationship..

If you cannot answer many of the questions, don’t feel bad. 
Many married couples cannot answer these questions or
answer them positively. What this means is that you and
your boyfriend, fiancé, or husband would greatly benefit
from doing the sorts of things that will help you both get to
know each other better – use this exercise as an opportunity.
Check out the http://www.pureloveclub.com/ and other sites
for more suggestions.

Psychological

  • Do you respect each other?
  • Like each other? (It is possible to love a person and not like much of their behavior, habits, or ways. Liking helps to build a happy marriage that lasts.)
  • Are there any usual dependencies such as drugs, alcohol, pornography, other?
  • Are there any mental difficulties for which medicine must be taken? 
  • Is the medicine actually taken as prescribed and does behavior change if not taken?
  • Are you well matched in your temperaments – are you both extroverts, introverts, one of each. Do you appreciate the benefit of what each of you is?
  • Are either of you attempting to change the other? Is this realistic? 

Development of talents - uniqueness

  • Do you have talents and skills in common (this helpful to enjoy a quality of understanding about each other and quality time together – joining clubs is a good way to meet men with similar interests)?
  • Do you encourage each other to develop your uniqueness, talents and skills?
  • Is too much time spent on things that do not contribute to the development of talents, uniqueness, or your relationship? (Such as too much time in sports, at the gym, with women’s groups, on computer games, watching TV? This is a value judgment. Some time on these things is okay, but too much may thwart individual growth and be an obstacle to building a healthy relationship.)
  • Do you each of you take time to observe, know about or witness the talents of the other?

Productive communication

  • Do you tell each other how you feel about each other, that your care about each other, love each other? 
  • Is this mutually expressed, or is one of you saying it and the other remaining more quiet?
  • When decisions must be made, does he respect your inputs and take them into consideration?
  • If a decision has to be made, and you both have a different solution, how do you typically resolve it – decide which solution to use? Do you compromise? Take turns, other?
  • Do you share information about how your life is moving along – courses, work, hardships, joys, successes, career plans, bosses, projects, promotions, or life concerns? Why is this type of meaningful sharing vital to a relationship that will last? What activities create the right environment for these types of conversations?
  • Do you share information about daily activities relating to your school, interests, jobs, careers, clubs, commute, other? Or, are you too busy, too tired, or consider it to be unimportant? Why is this type of sharing and conversations important? What activities encourage this?
  • Is most of your conversing about everyday things (such as what is happening on the TV, a ball game, the weather, politics, a movie you are watching, or the pets?) Most couples spend only 2-4 minutes actually talking to each other about each other per week. Sad, isn’t it. Don’t get into that bad habit – the habit of being silent. Make real conversation happen – go for an ice cream, walk or jog together, bike together, find creative ways to do it.

Do you feel ‘safe’ with each other?

  • Do you both feel safe enough with each other to admit when you are wrong.
  • Do you both apologize when necessary.
  • Does he apologize – not enough, too much?
  • Do either of you repeat the offense despite previous apologies?
  • Is he a ‘giving’ person – in things, time?
  • Does he ‘listen’ to you – really listen to your heart? That is, try to have empathy with you – put himself in your shoes, maybe repeat back to you what you said in his own words?
  • Do you have empathy with him? Can you understand his point of view?
  • Will you make unreasonable demands of him such as forcing him to work long hours to support a richer life style?
  • Does he consider your thoughts to be of value? Even if different?
  • Does he share his feelings with you – what feelings does he usually share?
  • Do you like each other’s friends – are they good for your relationship?
  • Do his friends support you and him equally? 
  • Can his friends threaten what you are trying to achieve as a couple? (Friends you make from a Bible Study group or religious group are generally good influences on a relationship. Biblical love is emphasized and taught.)

Whose philosophy, whose religion?

  • Do you both understand what God’s role was in the creation of you?
  • Do you want God to be involved with you and the procreation of your future children?
  • Do you both respect motherhood?
  • How will you plan to be a good caring mother? 
    (Some career women work for 5-7 years (off contraceptives so you do not have to worry about infertility) to put money away so they can take three to five years off to just mother during the baby’s first and most formative years of life.)
  • If you want to, will your future husband support your staying home from work to raise your children?
  • Does he see and appreciate your the your creativity in life planning, financial planning (women are have a great natural sense here), other?
  • Will he support your methods of mothering your children, or will he stubbornly stick to his own ideas?
  • Does he want children or is he going along with you? 
  • Are you both the same religion?
  • Does one of you need to get an annulment? 
  • Will you both attend religious services/Mass together?
  • Will he support bringing up your children with a religion?
  • Will he support family activities that are religion-based (spaghetti dinners, BBQ’s, other – which are important for you and your children to better know others of same faith).

Think about the above and what love really is. Here, too, are some quotes from Mother Teresa and Pope John Paul II:    

www.pureloveclub.org/quotes

© KAROL-Davide Publications 2007. All Rights Reserved.


 

 

Testing Emotional Strength

(For Females of All Ages & Backgrounds)


Between families
  • Do you both get along with both families?
  • Does either of you get along better with the others parents than his or her own?
  • Do the families like each of you?
  • Will they continue to support you in a marriage?

Between each other

  • Has he ever hurt you psychologically, socially, physically? Repeatedly?
  • Does he require more from you than you can give? Do you?
  • How does he treat you socially – is he is proud of you?
  • Does he consistently treat you the same way at home? 
  • Do you feel financially safe with each other him?
  • Do you feel emotionally safe with each other?
  • Do either of you have a tendency to get caught up in too much of the unproductive emotions (such as lust, boredom, annoyance, discontentment, envy, jealousy, frantic).
  • If so, would the other person feel comfortable enough to point this out?

Across life's circumstances

  • Will he love you tenderly if circumstances prevent him from working and you must be the wage earner? If you make more money than him? Will you love him as much?
  • Will he love just as much you if mothering your children leaves less time for him?
  • Will he support you if you have to take care of a sick parent?
  • Does he adore you? admire you?
  • Are you proud of the way he behaves, his life, his plans? 
  • Are his plans based on reality? Is there substance there?
  • Is he committed to a lifelong relationship with you? Through good and bad, health and ill health. What will he bring to the relationship that will help it to be good?

Over time -- will your trust in each other grow?

  • Have either of you lied to the other, cheated on the other?
  • Can you confide in him and trust him not to use the information against you?
  • Do you both take action on behalf of each other?
  • Does he go out of his way for you sometimes? In emergencies?
  • Does he celebrate with you freely and happily – your birthday, Valentine’s day, other?
  • Will he be there for you when you are sick, in the hospital, unable to help yourself?
  • Do you both think for each other and consider each other’s needs in little things as well as big things?
  • Does he do special little things for you? 
  • Do you notice each other’s most pressing needs?
  • Can either of you ask for special help that is within your capabilities to give – and expect a favorable response?
  • Will he love his children as he loves you?
  • Will you adore each other throughout your lives? 

© KAROL-Davide Publications 2007. All Rights Reserved.

 

This might be a good time to create a list of the types of activities that may help you to develop a strong and lasting relationship – while all this is fresh in your mind. Following are several other exercise ideas.

Activities to Build A Loving Relationship

For Females of All Ages & Backgrounds)


Here are some to help you know each other better, come to trust each other and practice chastity of mind together. 

At home

  • Start a card group – play for pennies and nickels.
  • Play games (chess, scrabble, Yatzie, other).
  • Learn to cook several dishes real well together – have friends in. 
  • Prepare for baby by taking baby courses together (guys do
    that too!).
  • Learn to make pizza! Bake bread. Chow Mein is fun  and so are tacos!
  • How about baking cookies & muffins of all sorts – oat meal and oat bran are healthy! 
  • Make novelty furniture – a tile top coffee table together!
  • Build a vegetable garden together or just grow tomatoes.
  • Design a healthy diet together.
  • Increase your vocabulary together.

Academic

  • Go to the library, Bookstore, Music Store once a week – have an ice cream or latte!
  • Learn a language together (Italian, Spanish, French, Latin) – rent travel movies about the country (Mexico, France, Italy, etc) or join a travel club.
  • If you are Spanish and do not know English yet – take English lessons together.
  • Increase your vocabulary together -  Word Smart is a good program and may help some of you pre-college students increase SAT scores by up to 100 or more!  A better
    vocabulary helps you to express yourself more easily and effectively. 
  • Take an art course, music course, financial planning or computer course together. 
  • Take a photography course – one specializes in color, the other in black and white – fun!
  • Help each other perfect their special talents.
  • Learn an instrument together – guitar is fun! Piano is marvelous!
  • Go to museums – history, art, science.
  • Take a art course, creative writing, or crafts courses (stained glass, sculpturing, jewelry -  join competitions (find through Google).

Religious 

These activities help to develop healthy priorities in life – and to avoid wasting time on things less rewarding.  It can become boring to do things just to kill time.

  • Join a ministry (soup kitchen is a wonderful ‘couple thing’ to do – with many benefits for both of you (humility, joy, wisdom, prudence).
  • Learn about your religion together and attend services or Mass – a wonderful place to meet other couples.
  • Join a Bible Study group – the Bible is a God-inspired guide for living (the best advice you will ever get anywhere).
  • Help your church, temple, etc collect clothing and bring it to the poor.
  • Help a non-profit pregnancy center (though some of them are not based on a religion, they do work for God).  Run a diaper drive.
  • Help the soup kitchen give out food on Thanksgiving.

Travel

  • Join a bike club together.
  • Join a hiking club together.
  • Plan a trip (camping, weekend retreat, clam digging, touring, visit hot springs, other).

Sports

  • Regularly jog, walk or play a sport together.
  • Take archery, tennis or fencing.
  • Get a boating certificate.
  • Take skiing lessons.

Social

  • Regularly go to park concerts.
  • Go to church dances.
  • Join a political club together.
  • Start a gourmet dinner group.
  • Do volunteer work for your religious group or political group.
  • Join an Italian, Irish, German or other social club.
  • Invite your rabbi, priest, pastor, other for dinner with some friends.
  • Invite your parents for dinner once a month!  Pick the same day every month.
  • Have bi-monthly pot luck parties – you just supply the house and they bring the food.

© KAROL-Davide Publications 2007.  All Rights Reserved.


Paying Special Attention to....

(For Females of All Ages & Backgrounds)

Some things to quickly stop doing:

It is a good idea to make these changes as soon as you can. The following is just a snapshot of activities that will help or not help you.  Consider constructing your own list.

  • Stop watching sexy TV shows or movies (minimize the temptations)
  • Eliminate pornography (some boyfriends make their girlfriends watch pornography – even when married, you would not want to do this as it leads to the wrong kind of loving)
  • Stop listening to sexy music.
  • Avoid spending a lot of time with friends who emphasize sex.
  • Stop cursing -  it creates a cruder environment -- not one that true love can thrive in..

Some things to do:

  • Redecorate to match the activities above (for example, have a bookshelf of games, a scrabble or trivia book, and stock some great vocabulary books).Practice asserting yourself (get some books on it; a good vocabulary and developed communication skills help a lot.)
  • Exercise and maintain a good diet.
  • Build your immune system and prevent disease (Google to find out how.)
  • Drink soy milk and make soy milk banana and other shakes.
  • Buy an ice cream maker or bread maker (share it with the dorm).
  • Stock up on some of the better movies (some of the classics or animations are fun!)
  • Buy a nice Bible.
  • If Catholic or Christian – show it.  Have a crucifix, picture of Jesus, and picture of Mary.  There are great religious movies too!  (Check out Ignatius Press, http://www.ignatius.com/index.aspx

Check out the http://www.pureloveclub.com/ and other sites
for more suggestions.

© KAROL-Davide Publications 2007. All Rights Reserved.

© KAROL-Davide Publications 2007. All Rights Reserved.